The one with the song

"When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound

we'll take control of the world like it's all we have to hold on to"

The one where I'm just so sick of it

You know how some mothers like to compare their own children with their friends' children? Do our mothers know that it really hurts us when they do that? Especially me. I don't even know why they do such a thing. I don't even know why they have to do it on the first place. I've gone through situation like this many times and it keeps on coming. You see, I'm different compared to my friends around me. They're smart, really and they're currently pursuing their degree. Some of them are doing Actuarial Science, Medic, Dentistry and all those highly intelligent course. They did very well on their SPMs and other exams. And I'm happy for them. I'm sure their parents are so proud of their daughters/sons. As for me, I didn't get straight A's for SPM or other exams for that matter but I know I did well. Better than my trials and I couldn't be more happier on that day when the results are out. However, I'm still struggling to finish my foundation course and hopefully this will be my last sem as I am completing one very last subject. To tell you the truth, I failed 4 subjects in this course and I let my parents down. I'm sorry Ma, Ba. But on the bright side, I'm just one step closer to finish this course then finally I can move on to degree. InsyaAllah. But that is not the whole point. The point is that I'm just sick of my mom telling me again and again that I'm not smarter than any of my friends or my boyfriend. I'm just tired to hear the phrase "Kawan you semua pandai. Boyfriend pandai. Awak tak pandai" over and over again. Yes, I know I failed a few times but that doesn't mean I'm stupid. To hear your own mother tell your own daughter that you're not smarter than any of your friends really really hurts. Especially whenever I'm with her then she bumped in to her friend, she'll go "Anak dia buat Medic". She said in a tone that her friend's daughter lagi pandai. Sebab kenapa? Sebab anak orang tuh buat Medic? So why do I give a shit about your friend's daughter? Yes, I didn't get straight A's for my SPM and I didn't pass a few subjects during my foundation but mom, please, stop bringing me down. Please stop thinking of me like I'm such a failure to you. Do you know that every time I hear you say that it makes me feel so unwanted? Every time you say that, my heart says "Nak sangat anak pandai pergi la tukar I dengan anak yang lagi pandai". How would you feel if I compare yourself with the other mothers that I know. How would you feel IF i say this to you "Oh mak dia masak sedap. Ma tak masak tak sedap" ? So yeah. I hope somewhere deep inside you, you'll realize that it's not okayh for you to say things like that to me. Readers, don't get me wrong. Everything that I say in this post doesn't mean that I don't love my mom. I love her my whole life. I'm just letting my feelings go through this post. Bye.

The one where I had to extent my sem

My foundation program is a 1 year course with 3 sems and I have to complete 11subjects. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to pass a few of the subjects and now here I am, my final sem. The best part is I only have to complete another one subject which is Accounts. I took it during my previous sem. Before that I didn't have any knowledge on Accounts cause I wasn't interested on learning it at the first place during secondary. However, my mom asked me to take it cause based on my results, I got credit for Statistics and Maths which I think is a different thing. Now that I have learned Accounts twice, I'm still struggling to understand the subject and to know what's the point of Accounts in life. Actually anyone who works as an Accountant really make a lot of money buuuutt too bad it's not my cup of tea. So I'm hoping that this would be the LAST SEM for me cause I just can't stand being in this course for too long. It kinda hurt seeing my friends pursuing their degree after they have finished their foundation program without failing any subjects. Well, I guess some people are different. Since I failed, I sometimes think that this is a lesson for me to not to fool around during college life cause if you do, you're gonna be wasting a lot if time, energy, tears and money. Or maybe God knows I'm not ready for degree so he wants me to take my time (but not too much time) to get ready and be prepared. Whatever it is, when it is the time for me to pursue my degree, I'll try my hardest to not to repeat the mistakes I've made during my foundation year.

Here we go again

5 months later..

Hello. I'm back again. My blog now is back from the dead. Well for now at least, heh. Logged in my blog then I found out that there are new template designs. The first thing I did was I changed my template as you can see. Kinda cool right? Got water dripping down. Anyways, just wanna say Hello and I'll post more! :)